If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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