he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
