Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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