If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
