my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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