is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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