yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
