quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
