can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
