I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
