i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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