I'm jealous of your bromance
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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