So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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