I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
