I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
