you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
