i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
