genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
