I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
