I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
