just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
