Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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