Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
