why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
