I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
