bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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