Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
