I cockslap morals
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
