dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
