You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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