I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
