Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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