Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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