yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
