i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
false alarm. still invincible.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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