I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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