Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
