Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
