I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
