The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet