I'm drive I can fine osifer
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.