There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize