are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
