It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
