please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize