Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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