He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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