biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
