the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
