All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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