either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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