im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
