He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
