So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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