and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
