She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
