i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
