he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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