he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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