Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
