Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
