if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Terrible idea I love it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
