You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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