hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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