you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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