Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
