3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
