I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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