Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
