just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
