wanna go halves on a baby?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize