I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
