Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
did you just send me my own nude
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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