dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
