Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
