My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
