how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
