you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
