It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
