i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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